For perspective: Police charge man in Victorino beer incident Phillies fans hurl insults, projectiles at J.D. Drew
usatoday on the 48,514 Phillies fans in attendance throwing batteries at Drew: "The game was delayed 10 minutes in the eighth after debris landed near Drew in center field."
si.com on the beer thrown at Victorino: "The All-Star outfielder managed to make the grab."
Wow that's a lot of batteries to clean up in only ten minutes, so kudos to Philly's ground crew. But reverse kudos to Philly fans for being such dangerous assholes. The beer at Victorino was done by one single person, and Victorino wasn't even injured, just a lil buzzed, reportedly. It was also thrown by the same guy who threw the beer in the '59 World Series, and Steve Bartman, so there's still only one bad Chicago fan in the entire city. Philly, on the other hand, packs its stadiums to the brim with assholes who bring batteries and IEDs to every single game, putting opposing teams in harms way and leading to rumors of an underground tunnel between Citizens Bank and the Holiday Inn.
For perspective: Patriots fans boo, Tom Brady strugglesSarah Palin Booed at Philadelphia Flyers Opener
yahoo! sports on Pats fans booing Hall of Famer Tom Brady: "The Patriot's record is just fine at 6-2...But if some fans are a little restless, perhaps it's because they understand the Patriots are going to have to play better to keep up this pace."
yahoo! sports on Flyers fans booing Palin's publicity stunt in a heavily Democratic city: "The notorious mockery of Philadelphia fans continue to put anyone in their cross hairs on a short leash."
Just a little over a month into her Vice Presidential candidacy, Philly fans had already formulated their opinions on the gorgeous, hot, scholarly Sarah Palin. Typical Philly fans being quick to judge (like their reaction to the McNabb pick). Tom Brady and the Patriots deserved to be booed for their mediocre 5-2 record. They haven't even won back-to-back Super Bowls since '03-'04, and only won three overall under Tom. Ten years is more than long enough to disregard the past and boo the 17-3 halftime score of a game the Patriots would go on to win behind the arm of their Hall of Fame QB Tom Brady. Pats fans booing definitely willed Tom to victory that day. Nothing like home field advantage. Philly fans were just being assholes on a short leash.
For perspective: Lee's wife says Yankees fans tauntedMajor League jerk charged with intentionally vomiting on 11 year old
nydailynews on the bodily fluids: "She and other Rangers wives were taunted with obscenities, spit at and had beer thrown at them while seated in the visitors' family section."
nydailynews on the bodily fluids: "[The dude who puked] now joins a storied history of Philly sports fans, including Eagles followers who tossed snowballs at Santa Claus and cheered when Cowboys receiver Michael Irvin lay motionless after injuring his neck."
The people who are most poorly treated in prison, and I know this because I am writing from a prison, are the child offenders. Attacking a child is just plain sick and it's that simple. The Yankees fans were yelling obscenities, spitting on, and hurling beer at the wives of the family section, specifically. Considering the late start time for World Series games, I would be surprised if there was even a single child in the family section at all. If it was really a problem, those grown ups could have fended for themselves and spit back at the upper deck. While intentionally puking on people is in its own way an act of revolutionary fan misbehavior, it doesn't take away from the fact that the people that do it are utter assholes.
For perspective: Seats Are Empty For Game One at Yankee Stadium"Not" A Pretty Woman
b/r on : "At least 20% of the seats were empty...during A WORLD SERIES GAME!"
b/r on whoring your way into the game: "As we all know, Philly fans will do anything for attention: even behaving like this."
If you're willing to whore yourself out for World Series tickets, I got to hand it to you, you're a truly passionate fan. But you're also a downright filthy one. Yankees fans weren't in the empty seats for one reason - they were too expensive. Instead of attending, they watched it from home and listened to that glass anal bead of a man, Joe Buck, from halfway up Matsui's sphincter. They didn't go out peddling their urinary tract infected cooters to the masses. Normal fans look for tickets on stubhub, and if they can't find a good price just watch from home. Asshole Philly fans, on the other hand, sell their bodies on craigslist as a means of not having to listen to another biased Buck broadcast.
For perspective: 11,000 tickets to Packers playoff game remain unsoldEagles Sold Out
cbslocal on the unsold Lambeau seats: "The Packers have eliminated their four ticket per fan rule, and are allowing fans to purchase as many tickets as they want."
cbslocal on sold Linc seats: "Eagles fans are packing their stadium much more quickly than playoff counterparts."
Not selling out Lambeau Field is actually a huge testament to how knowledgeable a fan base Green Bay has. The weather that day is supposed to be more than nipply, and the team coming to town is the 49ers, who are bound to step all over their souls. Cheeseheads are just chalking this one up in the loss column, and moving on to next year with a fully healthy Aaron Rogers. What they are not being are bandwagon fans who are oblivious to the fact that they are about to get crushed by the away team, which is exactly why the Eagles game sold out so quickly.
For perspective: Fan throws banana peel at Wayne SimmondsEagles fans egg Redskins team bus
cbssports on the banana peel: "Simmonds ultimately scored on his shootout attempt, even with the distraction."* This is a Philly Versus international exclusive having taken place in Ottawa.
cbssports on the eggs: "They don't just boo Santa Claus or flip off the opposing team, but Eagles fans reportedly have tried to physically harm the Redskins on Sunday...No Redskins injuries were reported in the assault."
Banana peels are some of the most dangerous household weapons, as evidenced in many cartoons throughout history. According to the report though, Simmonds didn't even slip. I'm a believer in the greatest amount of good for the greatest number of people, so to me, the entire Redskins team including its coaching staff in harms way is of far more concern than a mere one banana peel with absolutely no racial undertones being thrown in the vicinity of a player. Philly fans are domestic terrorist assholes.
For perspective: Cleveland Browns Bottlegate
[vid]Players: 'We feared for our lives'1989 Bounty Bowl II
[vid]Eagles preparing to leave Vet
espn on throwing bottles: "Standing near midfield, players and officials watched as enraged Browns fans rained beer bottles, cups, and debris down on them. Then the Jacksonville Jaguars ran -- scared. 'We feared for our lives,' wide receiver Jimmy Smith said."
espn on throwing snow: "Up in the 700 level, a very prominent attorney [future mayor of Philly and later Guvnah of PA, Ed Rendell] was taking bets that nobody could throw a snowball and hit the Cowboys bench from that distance. By the fourth quarter, the police were involved, and after the game Jimmy Johnson needed an escort through a hail of white projectiles."
Snowballs can really, really hurt. The powder blasts all over your face, leaving you temporarily chilled, and sometimes startled. Bottles can hurt too, if projected correctly, but bottles will lead to stitches which lead to scars, and well, chicks dig scars so like, wouldn't you rather get hit with a bottle? Throwing snowballs is childish and if you're over fifteen and still doing it you're definitely an asshole. Grow up.
For perspective:Philadelphia's Citizens Bank ParkChicago's Wrigley Field
yahoo! sports on Cubs fans: "Don't expect the guy next to you to know anything about the game. He may be a true fan, but you run at least a 25% chance that he won't know more than one or two guys' names in the starting lineup. There's also a good chance he's from out of town."
yahoo! sports on Phillies fans: "Philadelphia - home to beautiful women who even had an opinion on their town's center fielder and his contract demands - was the most passionate sports town I had been to...I can't wait to get back."
These hot Philly women throwing haymakers at men's faces and knowing shit about their sports teams are very unbecoming. No one wants to be shown up, or outsmarted by a girl. Philly fans may be more passionate than Cubs fans, but that doesn't mean they're not the bigger assholes, because obviously they are. True fans go to games to experience the atmosphere of a major league park for the first time. Asshole tomboys, on the other hand, are overly opinionated and think they're smarter than everyone else. It's really no wonder to me now why Philly fans suck so much, their mothers are a bunch of gorgeous, knowledgeable cunts.
For perspective: List of wars and anthropogenic disasters by death toll The worst event ever
wikipedia's estimated number of WWII deaths: 40,000,000 to 71,000,000
espn on Wing Bowl: "It's like what you would get if you mixed the Olympics opening ceremonies with Mardi Gras and spring break and crammed it all inside a hockey rink."
While that fantastical wet dream of a description espn provides of Wing Bowl sounds enticing, its in fact undoubtedly worse than every other war and anthropogenic disaster, perhaps even combined. It was at Wing Bowl that I first witnessed, and l pray every night that it was for the last time, live betting on handicapped midgets racing their wheel chairs in a parking lot. Who are these sick assholes objectifying women, gambling on retarded midgets, and consuming 100+ ounces of beer before the workday? They're those asshole Philly fans, of course.
For perspective:Give Bill Russell his due Allen Iverson on Retirement
Russell on Boston: "Boston itself was a flea market for racism. It had all varieties , old and new, and in their most virulent form. The had corrupt, city hall-crony racists, brick-throwing, send-'em-back-to-Africa racists, and in the university areas phony radical-chic racist's."
Iverson on Philly: "It's home. I've been a part of this community for so many years. These fans are me. I am Philadelphia."
Flea markets are actually great places to find cheap lil nick-nacks to fill your house up with, so I'm quick to side with Boston fans on this one, however, Iverson's quote makes it even easier to side with the racists. Who would want to be like Allen Iverson? A small, black man with cornrows, a poor taste in style and even poorer taste in music? A man whom Lebron James called pound-for-pound the greatest to ever play? A man whom before he was a man threw a chair in a bowling alley fight? If Philly is A.I., and A.I. is Philly, and Finkle is still Einhorn and Einhorn still Finkle, then Philly fans are clearly just a bunch of assholes regularly playing through numerous injuries only to perform at a league MVP level. Fuck you prideful Philly fans.
For perspective: Racist Reaction to Finale Tarnishes Bruins Run Dom Brown Shows His Cowboys Pride
CBS local on racist Bruins fans: "Ward is one of the small group of NHL players who are black, and his dramatic goal prompted dozens of Twitter users to send out a barrage of racist, hate-fueled messages about Ward." (Like this one for example, "The fact that a nigger scored the winner goal makes this loss hurt a lot more.")
CBS local on angry Phillies fans: “You may be wondering, 'why would Brown do that, given the fact that Eagles fans hate the Cowboys so much?' Especially when he got responses like this: '@dom9brown u blow at baseball ur not even a real Philly player.'"
Here are some typical internet assholes being their typical internet asshole selves. But who are being the bigger
assholes? Racism has been dead in America for some time (otherwise how do you explain Obama?), so the Boston tweeters were obviously jk-ing. On the other hand, attacking someone for being a fan of the most mediocre, mnemonic sports franchise in the country? Well that is just pathetic. Downright sad, even. This is a free country. Fans can root for and rub it in the face of whoever the hell they damn well please. Philly fans are unreasonable assholes.
For perspective: Final Game in Municipal Stadium
[vid] Cleveland Historical: Municipal Stadium Veterans Stadium Last Game
[vid] The Vet: Gone But Not Forgotten
on final game at Municipal Field: “Angry fans began the demolition themselves during the Browns’ final home game in 1995, tearing out seats and taking other pieces of [the stadium] with them as souvenirs.”
on final game at the Vet: “Former players, coaches, and sports figures paid one last visit to the stadium before its implosion. While all who experienced the stadium, from players to fans, recognized it as a dump, several stood proudly behind it saying, ‘It was a dump, but it was our dump.’”
Cleveland fans never experience winning, so any and all accreditation of fan misbehavior should be redirected towards shitty owners and general managers, or LeBron. Philly fans won just one World Series championship at the Vet, and yet treated it like some sort of hallowed ground on its final day. Get over yourselves! Real fans would have torn that miserable excuse for a professional sports stadium apart, and pissed on the rubble. Philly fans – you’re a bunch of lame assholes. Have some higher standards for fuck's sake. At least Browns fans know they're losers.
For perspective: Hey, Jets Fans, Boo That Man!Vernon Gholston Stats NY Jets Draft Blunders
[vid] Haunted by Stupidity
SBnation reaction to Jets fans not booing: “We saw first hand that the Jets, incredibly, didn’t ‘boo’ the team’s first round pick. Perhaps this was because they approved the selection of Vernon Gholston.”
SBnation reaction to Eagles fans booing McNabb pick: "The fans in the building that evening – six of them in particular – were not fans at all, but dumb evil spirits. Each represented a different type of stupid, and each promised, through their ghostly shrieking and hissing and booking, to rain dumbness upon the existence of Donovan McNabb for years to come.”
Cheering a draft bust (Gholston) is entirely less dumber than booing a draft success (McNabb), obviously. Everyone and their mother’s knew that the reserve guard from the Syracuse basketball team would go on to throw dirt balls at Westbrook’s ankles in the flat for the next decade, and lead the Eagles to four straight NFC Championships. Everyone also knew Ricky Williams, the best college running back to have ever played at that time, would choose to smoke copious piles of pot instead of committing to football and making millions of dollars. Philly fans aren’t even just assholes, they’re stupid assholes who only spew dumbness.
For perspective: Players blast Texans fans who cheered Matt Shaub injury Why Michael Irvin has never criticized Philly fans
Andre Johnson on Houston fans cheering their own player’s injury: “No class.”
Michael Irvin on Philly fans cheering his temporary parallelization: “If you want to say I was disappointed with that reaction, you can say that, but calling those people classless, that’s way out of bounds…It was a compliment for Philly to cheer me. Philly wasn’t cheering my injury. They were cheering my departure.
The biggest difference between these two examples is that Philly was cheering an opposing team’s player, and Houston was cheering its own. Last time I checked, cheering on your own team was perfectly fine, and indeed encouraged by teams throughout the NFL. Cheering on someone from the other team because they are no longer able to embarrass you anymore, nor walk (albeit temporarily) is just downright classless. Andre Johnson probably just woke up on the wrong side of the bed that day. Philly fans are the bigger assholes.
(pt. 1) Fight at Jets vs. Colts Game 2012
(pt. 2)Jets fan punches woman at MetLife Stadium
[vid] Eagles fans brawl in stands
NJ.com on woman Men Punching Women 2: “It’s difficult to judge whether people are horrified by this incident or find it amusing. You may formulate your own opinions in the comments section if you wish.”
Nj.com on the Philly Brawl: “The most discouraging part was the lack of security, with no security guards anywhere to be seen during the approximately five-minute fight.”
The security at both of these havens of heathenish assholes is equally awful. The Linc security takes a painstaking twelve seconds to appear in the Philly video, and the MetLife security doesn’t even show up in either Jersey vid. But enough about security, I’m here to tell you about which stadium houses the bigger assholes. The practice of beating women is as old as women and fists, but women punching men
in the face? That's the type of New Wave Feminist Bullshit I think we can all do without. Is that a woman you want to be your wife? To be the mother of your children? (yes holy shit that turns me on) The guy in the Philly vid doesn't even punch the girl back. What a bunch of feminist assholes.
- The Malice at the Palace
- Awesome and/or Horrific Old Youtube Clip of the Week
Grantland on the Malice: “Artest charged into the stands to grab the offending cup thrower, pushed over the wrong fan, then stood over him and shook him with both hands. The fan who actually DID throw the cup grabbed Artest from behind and tried to put him in a headlock. Another fan whipped a beer at Artest at close range, spraying Stephen Jackson, who retaliated with a wild punch.”
Grantland on Domi fighting a fan: “I guess I really didn’t need to tell you it involved the Philadelphia Flyers. I could have just said ‘a fan falls into penalty box trying to fight other team’s enforcer’ and you would have figured out the city, wouldn’t you?”
Kudos to both fans for at least going after the teams’ respective enforcers. It’s not like they attacked Mats Sundin and Austin Croshere. But while throwing a beer at a professional athlete from about eight feet away and having someone else take the beating for it is pretty lame, even more so was breaking the Plexiglas on your pathetic tumble into a tightly cornered penalty box where a man with Wolverine fists awaited to split open your head. It’s pretty clear why Artest was criminally charged and Domi wasn’t, Philly fans were being assholes, whereas Detroit fans were only being pretty lame.
For perspective: - Man Stabbed to Death Near AT&T Park Following Dodgers-Giants Game- Veterans Stadium Becomes Rikers Island
b/r on the Giants/Dodgers rivalry: “That disturbing trend [of a rivalry marred by fan violence in recent years] continued on Wednesday night as a man was stabbed to death outside AT&T Park in San Francisco.”
b/r on why the Vet had a court: “The violent acts that were occurring at Veterans Stadium were continuing to increase, thus, leaving Philadelphia no choice but to install a court, judge and jail inside the stadium.”
It would seem the Philadelphia and San Francisco fan bases are both a bunch of assholes. But who are the bigger
assholes? To me, street justice is as romantic as the ole wild west. It’s real people settling real beefs on the concrete. Anyone getting the police involved is probably a fucking snitch, or at best just a piece of shit. It doesn’t matter that fans are trying to kill each other, that’ll work itself out, what matters is keeping courts out of sports, and also prison overcrowding. In this case, Philly fans are not only the bigger assholes, but also a bunch of snitching pig bitches.